Dear Diary, Go Ask Alice Anonymous.

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Nedanstående innehåll är skapat av Mimers Brunns besökare. Kommentera arbete
Fick i uppgift av min engelska lärare att göra en dagbok,
som då är fortsättningen på Go ask Alice boken.
Jag utspelar mig som Alice, och därmed försoker jag hitta en sammankoppling till varför hon dog, som boken ej gav något säkert svar på.
Så alla ni som har läst boken kommer nog förstå vad denna dagbok handlar om.

Dear Diary Go Ask Alice - Anonymous av Danar

24 September,

My lovely dear invaluable friend, can you ever forgive me? How could I ever reject you and begin a new life without you?
Because I’ve been sharing all my tears and heartaches, struggles, joys and happiness only with you during the time I’ve been writing to you.
I t feels like I only used you when I mostly needed you.
So please dear diary, can you ever forgive me?
Oh I hope your answer will be yes! Pleeaaseee!

But anyway, I’ve decided that I will never and ever reject you again until the death do us part.
So I hope you’re going to listen to my new big problems I’m writing to you. The first problem starts with my dad.
This morning my dad came home pretty sad.
We all wondered why he was so sad.
First of all we asked him why he was so early at home.
He just mumbled something I could not hear.
I knew that he has never before been through anything like that, I guess so because his facial expression was very depressed, then I asked him why he was so down.
He finally told me that his best friend Michael died in front of his eyes this morning, in a car accident.
The whole day we all tried to console dad, but it was really hard, I know that all my entire problems dad has been through, and now this bereavement will take really hard at him. Oh I feel so guilty!
Please God can you cheer my dad up so he doesn’t end up in a mental hospital like I did.
Please God I know you are the most merciful in this whole universe.
So can you please help dad?
At Sunday we all shall go to Michael’s funeral.
I’m already in hope that God will forgive Michael for all the sins he has done, so Michael can R.I.P.
But dear diary I’ve now told you about my dad’s problem, let us now focus on my own unsolvable problems.

Yesterday I had a date with Joel.
He was so fantastic and wonderful.
He took me to an Italian restaurant, and we ate a tasty dinner. The first hour at the restaurant was one of the best times in my life.
But then, when I’m squinted behind Joel, I saw a boy who I didn’t even knew.
He sat just a couple of tables away, in front of me.
And he had some friends with him, I tried to look even more concentrated, then to my big surprise I saw Jan and the other stone kids.
They looked at me with a smile, which even the devil himself not even could have had.
First of all I believed that all these coincidences were just a big nightmare.
But after some seconds, I heard that Joel was talking to me, but all the things he tried to tell me floated into my ear and out through the other.
I thought that I was hypnotized, and at the same time paralyzed.
Then the boy I didn’t know began to walk towards me.
I felt a chilling wind, in my soul from head to toe. It just felt like my soul was ready to leave.
Why couldn’t it be so easy to die?
The boy was now in front of me and started to talk with me.
-Alice how are you doing? You got some acid on you?
I didn’t know what to answer,
I just mumbled a No.
-so Alice have you got a boyfriend now?
So you do have some secrets you haven’t told me?
After all things I have done for you and all things we have been through?
I just looked down, and then at Joel he was even more shocked than me, I could see it.
I hoped that he didn’t believe this son of a bitch boy, who I didn’t even know.
Joel was staring into my eyes, and I felt a strange feeling like he was reading and seeing into my whole soul.
I just screamed, PLEASE CAN’T YOU ALL JUST LEAVE ME AND LET ME DETERMINE MY OWN LIFE??
The whole restaurant was just staring at me.
I felt so terrible that I ran away to my dear home,
There no one of the stupid stone kids can be just me and my family. Ohh isn’t that beautiful?

I knew that Joel tried to intercept me from running away, but no one could stop me.
I ran away from all of them, even Joel.
I was touching the great holly bushes, feeling their sharpness, the sticky evergreen branches that hang over the dirt road leading to my wonderful house.
When I ran I could see everything around me, I felt like I was superman that I could run away from all my big mounting problems. I started to see our house half hidden behind the trees, the grey porch tacked in the front, I was finally at home.
And here I am now, telling all my problems to you.
My dear diary, even if my life is so black and grey that the midnight is nothing compared to that.
You are and will always be my only friend, who can open my soul too.

A couple of minutes earlier, I was in a total state. But now I feel great, that all my problems I have carried since I stopped to write to you, Can now explode into you again.
You’re my umbrella when it rains at the most.
You are my light in life when it’s as darkest.
I don’t give a shit about the stone kids and not Joel either, It seems that I have lost all my feelings for Joel, after the circumstances in the restaurant.
I think that he will never and ever want to talk to me again, and I think he doesn’t have any feelings for me anymore after that the boy I didn’t even know, painted a picture of me, which described me as some kind of a bitch. Dear diary, I hope you do not see me like a bitch, or do you?


12 October,

Dear diary, sorry that I haven’t written to you for three weeks. The thing is that I’ve been so busy and got through a lot of stuff during this week.
Dad begins to recover after the big grief, and I’m really glad for him, but when will things begin to become good in my life?
It seems that the lucky life I should have, has already been stolen since I started to use drugs.
Maybe my own conscience can’t forgive me for all the bad things I have done, and all the younger kids I have sold drugs to.
Or maybe God doesn’t want to forgive me, because I never really learned from my big misstakes.
Because a couple of days ago, I started to feel a longing for acid and all other drugs I’ve been using.
Why can’t I just forget my past and start with a new life?
I start to fall prostrate down into my past again.
I hear voices in my head who keeps saying:
‘’Come on let me try some acid again’’
‘’Let us try again and we promise you not to disturb you again, just one more time’’
‘’Don’t be such a loser’’.
Dear diary what should I do?
I think I’m starting to go crazy, I maybe should be in a mental hospital, maybe that’s my fate.
Maybe I start to lose my mind because I’m really missing Joel, but he hasn’t called me so far. I think he has moved on, and that’s what I should do too, into a mental hospital.

Because my problems will never end, I am such a problem maker or a problem magnet.
Because where ever I go, problems are close on my heels.
So maybe the only way out of this hell is to start to get high again.
My first reason why I began with drugs was because I wanted to forget all my anxiety and just to be happy for a couple hours.
I have exactly the same reason now.
I have struggled to keep myself clean from drugs but the entire struggle was and is for nothing.
I believed that if I was clean then all my problems would get lesser and I could start to enjoy life without drugs.
But now I realize that my idea was totally wrong.
Cause life has just been harder towards me.
Maybe it should be time to start with drugs again?
So I can be happy even if I will not be happy
in my real life, I can imagine a happy life in my fantasy.
Oh God bless the ones who invented all drugs.
I just love drugs right now, dear diary but I don’t love myself anymore!
I don’t love my family anymore, because they are so finicky. Cause last night we ate soup from a can, me and the rest of my family. We sat at the table under a stained glass lamp that tossed rainbows onto the kitchen ceiling.
From nowhere mom started to whine about my hair.
She thinks that I’m starting to be the old Alice I was before.
Tired of life, using drugs, and didn’t think of her appearance. But I am not the old Alice, but my mom’s nagging makes me feel like the old shrilled Alice.
I just hate everything, including myself. I don’t deserve to...

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Inactive member [2008-01-24]   Dear Diary, Go Ask Alice Anonymous.
Mimers Brunn [Online]. https://mimersbrunn.se/article?id=9144 [2020-12-05]

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