The Final Act of Violence

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uppladdat: 2008-08-31
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"You're dead now."
I felt the pain growing bigger as the two year older boy stood over me with one of his feet on top of my chest. I just lay there on the ground with fear in my eyes. He wasn't as skinny as me, but not fat. He was much stronger and I couldn't get him off me.
"Look, the little boy is crying" the boy said out loud with a smile on his face as I felt something cold and wet falling down my chin.
The boy's name was Rick Midstone. He was 16 years old with blonde short hair. Everyone feared him, especially me. He picked up fights in every corner of the school and didn't seem to get enough. I remember how he beat up a boy in his own age last year. The boy ended up in hospital and was quite badly hurt. His parents signed him up for a new school a couple of days later. If it wasn't for Rick's father Rick would have got expelled. His father was a very smart and good lawyer and loved his son so much that he didn't want to see the trouble his son was causing.
I tried once again to get him off me. I grabbed his leg and pinched him. Thank God I hadn't clipped my fingernails yet. Rick screamed, not so loud though. I bet he didn't want anyone to notice that someone had been brave enough to fight back on him.
Rick took away his foot from my chest and rolled up his jeans a little bit so he could see the wound that I'd made. I got up on my feet and looked at it too. A thought hit me; I had never hurt anyone before. Suddenly I moved my eyes higher up until they met Rick's eyes. We just stood there and stared at each other like we were the biggest enemies. "Run, William" a voice in my head said. But I didn't move at all. Soon Rick would cast himself over me and beat me up. God knew how it would end. One thing I knew for sure; I would bleed and cry like a baby.
But as a matter of fact, Rick just walked away. I was then all alone with no other people in sight. At that moment I felt miserable. Why me? Did I look like a geek? No, I did not look like a geek! I had dark brown hair, blue eyes and I always wore nice jeans and a light coloured T-shirt. I was just a happy guy with a lovely family. But though, I had no friends. I wasn't that kind of guy who talked so much. What is there to talk about? The only things in this life that I loved were animals, books and music. No one wanted to discuss these things with me. I guess they thought it was boring. They'd rather talk about all the crazy things that happened to them and about all the parties and so on. That's boring, if you ask me.
However, there I was standing on the grass in the back of the school yard and didn't know what to do. I took a deep breath and looked at my watch. "Damn it, I'm late for class!" I muttered to myself. I ran all the way to my locker, grabbed my books and walked quietly into the classroom. I tried to avoid Mrs. Doundershill's irritated eyes she always put on when someone was late.
"And why are you so late, William?" She asked me with a quite angry voice.
"Sorry, my watch stopped" I lied, with a quiet voice.
"Speak louder so I can hear you, for God's sake!" Mrs. Doundershill said, almost screaming.
I repeated my answer, louder so everyone could hear me.
There I stood with my eyes staring down at the floor and hoped that she would allow me to go and sit down behind my desk. And she did.
As I walked towards my desk I noticed how everyone stared at me, like they always did. But I was used to it. As a matter of fact, I didn't care at all. They could stare as much as they wanted to. I was sick and tired of trying to make them look at something else.
As I sat there behind my desk, studying and listening to my teacher's lecture, I thought about Rick. I wondered if he would create an army and kill me. I bet he was really pissed off at me. That pinch was really a tough one, I must say. Of all the times he had beaten me up, today was the day when I really defeated him for the first time. And I was proud of myself. I knew of course that you cannot win with the help of violence. The help must come from your sense. But in my case, violence was the only way to defeat him. Clever words didn't really come on to Rick so easily. But though, I knew I'd made things worse between us. I knew he hated me even more than he did before. But what else could I have done? Just lie there and hope that he would break apart and die? No, I did the right thing.
About fifty minutes later school was over for the day. I grabbed my stuff in my locker and went straight home.
The first person I saw when I got into the house was my mum, Alice. She was sitting in the green sofa in our living room and read the newspaper. Her blue eyes met mine as I walked towards her.
"Hi, how was school?"
"Great" I lied, like I always did when that question reached my ears. I didn't want to make mum or dad upset.
I continued my walk up to my room, where I threw my schoolbag on my brown bed. My room was not as tidy as my parents‘, but at least there were no rats or mice.
Our house was not big. It was all we could afford. Though we were not rich people and couldn't always buy things we wanted, we were happy with our life. We weren't those spoiled people who buy new things every day and spend loads of money on unnecessary things. We bought what we needed and that was good enough for us.
I just stood there in my room and wondered. "How am I going to get out of this mess I've made today?"
Days passed, with no attacks from Rick at all. I wondered if he had grown up and become mature. But I was too afraid to guess so.
One week later I started in a jujitsu class. That was really fun. I learned how to defend myself, which was really good because then I would be ready for Rick's army.
Every time I saw Rick in school, which was every day, he either talked with friends or either he just stood alone and had that tough face on him. I really got ill of him. He thought he was so damn cool and tough, compared to everyone else. I just wanted to hit him hard, right in his ugly face.
One day, on a Friday, I wet myself. Not without a reason, of course. I wet myself because Rick suddenly stood beside me with his mouth close to my right ear, whispering “Next Friday, be ready.” I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds. My thoughts were of thousands words and sentences, filled with fear and distress.
What shall I do?
I’m going to die.
My mum and dad will get so upset.
Is he really going to kill me?
Has he a lot of strong companions?
Will he bring any kind of weapons?
Those were my thoughts during the whole day. I couldn’t think of anything else, not even about my favourite book; ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close‘.
When I got home, at last, my dad asked me what was wrong. He always knew somehow when I was feeling bad. But I denied my true feelings, as I always did.
“It was just a tiresome day in school, that’s all” I said, trying to sound as tired as I could. Actually, I was kind of tired. But not so tired that I could easily fall asleep.
After dinner I called my jujitsu teacher and asked him to give me some extra lessons.
“So you’re going to beat the evilness, I suppose?” he said with an amused but friendly voice.
I answered him yes. I would beat the evilness once again, for the very last time. After this nothing will ever prevent me from living my life, again, I thought to myself as I ended the phone call.
My jujitsu master and I had decided to take those extra lessons every other day, plus Thursday, next week, starting on Monday, which was perfect since I finished school quite early on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. It was perfectly planned. I hated when I had to skip lessons because of mandatory meetings, like dental appointments and so on.
I had then only three lessons to practice on my kicks and knocks. Movements were extra important, so that was a mandatory practice as well.
As the days passed, Monday had come and it was time for me to put all my energy on my movements, kicks and knocks. My jujitsu master gave me loads of compliments during the practice, which made me more confident about the upcoming fight on Friday.
But still, I had those terrifying thoughts. How could I, a boy as weak as an underfed boy, defeat a much stronger boy?
I asked my master the same question.
“It’s not about strength, it’s all about confident, intelligence and courage. A clear mind is also very important”.
I thought about it for a moment, and realised that he was right. Strength is nothing compared to intelligence, which Rick didn’t seem to have. But courage and a clear mind was something I didn’t have. But I was determined to fight Rick on Friday, and nothing nor anyone could stop me from defeating him.
Another day passed, and another one. Suddenly it was Thursday, and my fear was getting on my nerves. I tried to meditate, but I did not succeed. I practised on my kicks, movements and my knocks. That worked surprisingly well. I felt more confident than ever.
But there was a thought that disturbed my plans. Is violence the right way to defeat him? It would feel so great to kick Rick’s arse. But my conscience repeated the sentence “violence is not the right way”.
I did not know how to solve this problem.
How could I defeat him in a non-violence way?
I stayed up late that evening and wondered whether I would show up or not. If I didn’t show up I would always get bullied for my cowardice. But If I would show up I’d probably start bleeding after only five seconds. I chose the second alternative, because I didn’t have the urge to continue being bullied for another whole year.
At last, Friday came and my feelings could not be described. I ate my breakfast, got dressed and went straight to school. I saw Rick and his friends standing outside the main entrance of the school. He made a scornful smile and so did his friends. My fear grew bigger as I followed my steps to the entrance. Before I walked into the building Rick whispered “three o’clock, or you’re dead anyway” in my ears.
I tried to make myself confident by thinking only positive thoughts. But it did not work so well, since my fear disturbed the process.
Minutes passed, and so did hours and lessons. Soon I would stand out there on the school yard with a distressing body, facing Rick Midstone and his friends.
How will I survive this? I asked myself.
Suddenly the bell rang. My heart missed a beat and I began to feel nauseous and nervous at the same time. But fear, though, was the biggest feeling I had. I tried once again to erase my negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. I thought about my jujitsu master’s words, which, yet again, gave me some comfort and confident. But the problem about what I should do to defend myself was still unsolved, since I didn’t want to act violently.
I walked as slowly as I could towards the locker, and when I opened it I put my books in it, closed it again and finally walked towards the main entrance of the school.
When I got out into the fresh air I took three deep breaths and prayed to God, though I wasn’t religious, that he would give me inner strength.
My eyes caught Rick’s eyes, as he stood waiting on the basket court. His eyes were filled with energy and excitement, as I could notice. Plenty of other pupils were standing in a circle, with Rick’s friends among them.
I followed my steps down the stairs and walked, with my head down, forward to the circle and stopped when I was right in the space of it, in the middle, where Rick was waiting impatiently.
“So you’re here, at last?” Rick said with a grin.
I kept my mouth shut and waited for him to make the first move. My plan was to try to avoid his kicks and knocks as much as possible. But even that seemed to be impossible for a small guy like me.
“FIGHT!” a boy cried behind the first line of peop...

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Inactive member [2008-08-31]   The Final Act of Violence
Mimers Brunn [Online]. https://mimersbrunn.se/article?id=10124 [2019-09-16]

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