Behind the bars of my heart

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uppladdat: 2007-01-22
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Behind the bars of my heart

I still remember my dad’s words, one day a couple of years ago;
“I want you to remember that you are too beautiful to been hurt, by some guy,
Don’t let anybody step on your heart ,my princes. promise me!”
And I did not let anybody do that, Until one day, that day change my life.

When I first met him, this guy, we can call him Jon. When I first met Jon I thought he was grate..
He was acting like the cutest guy on the earth.
He said the right things, he was good looking and kind.
I fell for him, already the first time I saw him.
I shouldn’t done that, but how could I know.
My friends did warn me, they thought there was something with him that didn’t match,
Something was really wrong.
But I didn’t listen to them, I was sure that they were just jealous.
I was blind and stubborn.
The first week of our relationship was grate, he was wonderful and I was happy and blind.
Not more than few weeks later he changes… all the bad things did not came at the same time,
It should, then I could at least run away. And leave hell.
It started with lies and jealousy. He started to jell at me about everything.
Everything I did was wrong, everything I said could be better.
He tried to change me, and believe me he did.
One day after school when I came to his place I found my phone on the table, next to a note.
He hade deleted all the numbers on my phone, even the number to my mother.
On the note he had wrote ;

haven’t you learn anything?
I am the only one for you, you know that.
Do you even listen to me?
This is not good, watch your back bitch…! / J

I started to cry, how could he be so jealous and mean… I didn’t get it.
But he said he loved be, and just wanted my best, so I believed him and staid with him.
I was so stupid and weak.
I don’t know how he persuade me, but after one month, I moved into his place.
I think he wanted that because that way he could have a eye on me.
It wasn’t a good idea, I knew that but I moved, and that was like a welcome parcel
to hell.
To the last he forbid me from to hanging out with my friends, he elected what I would wear
And what I wouldn’t.
He took over the control of my life, I couldn’t do anything. Good if I could breathe before he started to yell.
I was stuck and alone, I didn’t know what to do, or where to go.

I remember that first time, the fists time I got a slap on my face.
Just a little one, and there after a little pushing and yelling..
I was sure that it was the first and last time, stupid, stupid me.
My friends was really worried, they tried to tell me that he is going to crash me if I don’t leave
him in time.
I knew that, but I think I was a little bit scared of him so I didn’t dare.
I did take the step a couple of times, I broke up with him three times, but every time it end up the same,
I get together with him again, I don’t know how, but just some how.
Even my mother saw that something was wrong, she never told anything about her thoughts to me,
But I heard her ones when she was talking on the phone with her sister.

“ There is something wrong with annika, nothing physical, but something is wrong.
I see her smiling but it don’t seem real. Its like she is crying inside.
She’s grey.”

Is started to cry, even my mother realised that there was things wrong, and I didn’t.
I decided to broke up with him, I couldn’t take all shit anymore.
He treated me like a piece of crap, something that wasn’t worth to love.
I was planning what I would said to him, how I would explain.
I knew that he didn’t want to hear, but I decide that he didn’t have a choice.
Next, day when we wake up we took the train to Gamla Stan. I wanted to tell him
somewhere outside, that way it would be more safe for me.
God know what he could do.
“ Jon,” I said, “ I’m sorry Jon, I cant do this anymore.. you are hurting me, don’t you know that.
Your are treating me just like a piece of crap! I want us to broke up.
Its over!”
I saw how his glance turn to black.
- “we are going home, now! He yelled.
-“no Jon, YOU are going. home ITS OVER!” I cried.
He looked at me like he wanted to kill me.
Sudden I got scared, he was really angry. What have I done?
“ You are coming with me, do you hear? You are fucking coming with me!!”’

He grab my arm, so hard that I got bruises.
He pulled me to the train and didn’t let go. I tried to do opposition but he was too strong.
He pulled me the whole way to his place.
There, at his place the hell was breaking away.
Before I reached to do anything he took the chair and hit me with it, I cried and screamed all out.
He was going crazy, I couldn’t do anything, he hit me , kicked me.. I don’t know what he did,
I don’t remember,...

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Källhänvisning

Kendra Lindström [2007-01-22]   Behind the bars of my heart
Mimers Brunn [Online]. http://mimersbrunn.se/article?id=7469 [2017-11-21]

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