Be courageous, be brave. And in my heart you´ll always stay

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uppladdat: 2005-02-11
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I think the eyes, was the worst thing. How can eyes on humans change, so fast? Childrens eyes, full with expectations for the future, had disappeared. Mens eyes, which always showed safety, was now full of fear. Womens eyes, full with panic. They all knew, even if they didn’t dared to say it loud. Their dreams about the future, would never be fulfilled. The pianist who sang “ Be courageous and be brave. And in my heart you´ll always stay” became silent. Their destiny was decided.

“Please Grandfather, can’t you tell us about Titanic?” Everybody in the room stiffened, they all knew that this was a sensitive subject. And in fact; I had never told them the whole truth. Suddently, all pictures from that night on Titanic appeared. “But dear Laura, it’s a far to long history” I said and laughed nervously.”But Grandfather, we have lots of time, please..”she begged me. I closed my eyes. Of course this was onerous, but I was forced to realize; Things that have happened, have allready happened, and there is nothing I can do about it! My wife met my hackneyed eyes, hidden behind all the wrinkles.

“I had looked forward to this new job at Titanic. The boat was going to be my new home. An escape from rest of the world, a different way to live. Poor and stupid, but enormously lucky. ” I said and the smile on my face became the proof of what I felt, I wasn’t anymore in the big living room. No, I was in small, tight paths, with some of my new friends, and we laughed, and life seemed to be the easiest thing in the world! “Mark, excuse me, but please continue” said Klara, my daughter.
“Oh, sorry. Well, it was a nice afternoon, with lots of distinguished, rich guestes. I loved to peep on them when they danced, and I pretend that I was one of them, close to one of the pretty women, to feel their soft skin and their lovely breath.” I stopped immediately to talk when I met my wifes eyes, and I realized that this subject was improper.
“I’m sorry Sara, but the story continues. Well, you see. One of the guestes we had on Titanic was one of the most beautiful women I ever seen. She was the one everybody dreamed of. Her smile was so secretive. Her hair was black, and her eyes was just as dark as the hair. She dressed herself with a white, long evening gown. I couldn’t keep my eyes from her! And everytime I met her eyes, she smiled secretive. My best friend Rodger told me to stop fantasize of thing I would never get, that I have to fokus on my work.. So, we went down to the engine room and started work. I loved that room. The pianos delightful melody together with the song came all down there, and gave us different messages. And so it came, my favorite song, and I humed to the song “ May the good lord be with you down every road you roam, be courageous and be brave, in my heart you’ll always stay”. Suddently the melody became silent, just like everybodys laugh and all who had talked, stopped. It was like we already knew what was suppose to happen. After a few second a loud crash fulled the whole ocean. And then another, and then a even more bigger crash. I stood still, and couldn’t understand. My friends got panic, and instead of trying fixe the hull, they ran up to safe humans. I were absent, and all my thoughts was on my parents, my family, and on my biggest enemy. Death had always been a subject I didn’t wanted to think about. But now I stood, face to face, with the thing I’d feared so much, hated so much, the death.” I became silent and everybody in the room started to breath again, and they all waited on me to continue.”Please don’t stop, what happened then?”said little Laura. I laugh at Lauras excited expression. ”Calm down, my dear, I’ll continue.” And everybody stopped breathing again. ” I ran up on deck. It was so weard, all the different buisnessmen who always was so calm, was now in panic. People cried, and huged each other. Many prayed to the God, and I’d notice a young man, he didn’t prayed for his own life, he prayed for his two dautgher, “Oh, Please God, fulfill my last whises, that my dautghers will have a wonderfull life, without their father, oh please..”
Kapten Mr Haantho roared on me, and he commanded me to safe as many as I could, and take them to the safeboats. At first all mothers with children, then all the rich persons, and then, the rest. I remember a famely, the husband, the wife and two little girls. I was the one to force them to separate, and say a last goodbye. I was the one who got that terrible look from the mother, and wife. Then I started to think about the beautiful girl, with the secretive smile, where was she? But all of a sudden I saw her. Her mouth who most of the time was quiet, was now screaming, she was in such a panic! I ran to her and begged her to stop, and told her everythings would be just fine. But how can you tell a person something, when you know, you’re lying? I couldn’t be convincing, but she became quiet. I took her to the rest of the people who were waiting on the next boat, and she said to me “I really do hope, this isn’t the last time we meet each other, but if not, thank you”.

I had never learned to count over hundred, but now I was glad I haven’t got that chance. There was so many more than hundred who was bounced around in the cold water. Their bodies where blue, and white and you could really see that they where dead. But not in their eyes. Their eyes was still full of fear.” A tear fell down my face, but as fast as it came, I took it away, but in vain, now all tears ran in a flow out of my eyes. “Oh Mark, we’re so sorry, we shouldn’t have asked you..” said Klara. “Be quiet, and let me tell you rest, I’m not finish yet”I said surly and start talked again “When most of the people were safe I sat down. And now I realized my destiny. Now, it was allowed to be scared. But I wasn’t scared, I was angry. All my dreams about a successfull, lucky life, with lots of women, was gone. I didn’t even have the energy to pray. Why should I? I already knew what was going to happen with me. This wasn’t fare! But when I sat there, angry and sad, somebody knocked on my shoulder ans said “MARK, Mark for God sake, we might be saved, there might be a place for us in one of the boats, Oh God please tell me this is the truth!” he screamed to the sky with tear in his eyes. Of course I became ...

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Inactive member [2005-02-11]   Be courageous, be brave. And in my heart you´ll always stay
Mimers Brunn [Online]. http://mimersbrunn.se/article?id=3616 [2018-09-25]

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